How to Identify and Strengthen Intimacy in Your Relationship
Intimacy defined:
close familiarity or friendship; closeness
something of a personal or private nature
Intimacy in relationships
Intimacy is a hot topic in therapy when clients are referring to their relationships. By definition, intimacy is ultimately the concept of closeness. When working with clients, I present concepts like intimacy on a spectrum. There are levels and factors that influence intimacy in a relationship. Intimacy can grow stronger and improve in quality. Think of someone you consider close. Do you feel comfortable and safe with this person? Can you confide and trust in this person? Have you shared moments that create deep connection? These are some identifiers of intimacy being present (or lacking) in a relationship.
A major factor to consider with intimacy is the purpose of the exchange of intimacy. Often times, couples report intimacy being a “checklist” or it “feels empty.” What is the intention behind the exchange? When intimacy is in question, it is important to check in with the mutual intention of connecting and creating the closeness.
Let’s take a look at different types of intimacy.
Emotional + Intellectual intimacy
Sharing emotional and intellectual insight creates connection. Us humans rely on emotions and intellect to connect to others. These exchanges can provide the relationship several opportunities to deepen the relationship with acts of sharing, disclosing, receiving, and acknowledging the other individual’s emotional and intellectual content such as fears, dreams, desires, interests, wins, and losses. Emotional and intellectual moments create a safe space for each individual as they feel heard, seen, cared for, and understood. Whether we are the one sharing or receiving, we are exchanging emotional and intellectual intimacy if the mutual intention of connection is present. And depending on the quality, quantity, and consistency of disclosure and sharing there is, the relationship strengthens and the quality of the relationship deepens. The more that is collected emotionally and intellectually, the more there is to bond over. Emotional and intellectual intimacy is not habitually and mindlessly venting to someone or being the one-way emotional support of someone. Remember, #REALationships are reciprocal!
Spiritual intimacy is often a category of intimacy but can fall in this section for my blog. Much like emotional and intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy can involve sharing values and beliefs or practicing a religion.
Experiential
Quality time and shared moments can sometimes be overlooked when it comes to intimacy. Trying new foods, attending events, going on vacations, taking on new hobbies, and experiencing milestones together are all examples of experiential intimacy. Time spent is not enough to define intimacy such as a family or roommates in a house that do not deem themselves as “close”.
Physical Intimacy
Sex is often mistaken as what intimacy is. But there are actually several ways for physical intimacy to be present in a relationship. Cuddling, holding hands, sitting side by side are all examples of physical intimacy. In this category, proximity is not enough to define physical intimacy. When individuals feel mutual comfort and safety, physical intimacy can deepen and strengthen a relationship.
Keys to Strengthening Intimacy
Intimacy can strengthen and weaken depending on the commitment of closeness from each individual. What are you putting into the relationship and what are you getting out of the relationship? Is growth happening? Is it withering? Nearly dying?
Think of planting a seed to grow a flower. Water the seed and a flower will grow. To keep the flower healthy, watering and maintenance is required. If you don’t water the flower, it will surely die. This serves as an analogy to a relationship. If you wish to grow a healthy relationship, water it with valuable intimate exchanges. Use quality soil and understand the amount of water and sunlight it needs.
It is important to notice the key to intimacy is establishing and cultivating closeness with great intention. Intentional exchanges and checking in make the relationship grow richer and nurture the bond for the long haul.
Happy relating!
♡Amanda
